Sometimes, I stop and think I really am living the adorable New York life I always dreamed I'd have: Manhattan (kind of) apartment above a pizza parlor with adorable, twenty-something lady-roommates, an eat-in kitchen and a craft room. Bookshelves!

And then...

Stephanie: Some one is trying to break into the apartment
Sent at 1:49 PM on Friday
me: ...
WHAT?
Stephanie: They keep banging on the door
and trying to stick a key in to open it
me: are they breaking in or knocking?
it's not breaking in if they knock
go look
Stephanie: They knocked for a little bit
and now they're just trying to break in
me: Stephanie, it could be the landlord
Stephanie - call someone or do something
Stephanie: I don't know what the landlord looks like
me: he's a large polish man
Stephanie: ok
hold on
me: yeah, I'm gonna do that.

Stephanie is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Stephanie comes online.

We are not adorable and frequently are barely functional. We also might not all be alive anymore.