Last night, standing at the McManus jukebox-thing, I revealed something to my friend Andrew that I've never told anyone before.

In my life, I have played REO Speedwagon's "I Can't Fight This Feeling" at a social gathering where there is a male-friend who I am pursuing. I have done so with the intention of opening his eyes through the haunting, insightful lyrics.

More than once.

Yeah, I do not know how I'm still single either.



You're welcome.

This is most easily explained through a gchat with Nikki. She's "Nicole." I'm "me."

That's confusing.

This chat is off the record.

Nicole: I'd appreciate it if you didn't laugh after this, what are the chances James Van Der Beck is on the other side of the building?
me: oh MY GOD
...what? wait. hold on - you don't know who just walked in.
Nicole: nope
me: it's the most attractive man in the entire history of ever. Ever.
Nicole: oh. ok.
me: that. is. tick. rait.
Nicole: um... should i know who this is?
me: former head of the IT department
Nicole: OH
me: he was here my first summer
Nicole: he looks a little IT ish
me: and is responsible for my post-Wellesley sexual awakening.
me: the first one
Nicole: i would appreciate it if he would continue speaking cause i enjoy his accent very much
me: I can't remember if I'm still getting all stirred up inside. because I refuse to look at him.
me: He used to wear suit jackets. with JEANS. and boots
Nicole: Full. mouth.

meaning I can't say things like that when she's drinking.

me: and he has glasses. and auburn colored hair.
Nicole: hahaha totally stirred up
me: a compact, but sculpted build
Nicole: [Edited for propriety]
me: no. not yet. I'm still recollecting.
I'll have to edit that part when I repost this conversation. mmmm.

Sent at 1:28 PM on Friday

me: SINGLE. HE JUST SAID HE'S SINGLE. how do you say "follow me to the alcove between the anspacher balcony and the martinson theater" in british?
me: you're working on a spreadsheet
me: and not reading this chat
me: and I feel like you're missing out on so much of the present tense enjoyment
Nicole: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Nicole: good god woman, you have become a sexual preditor!

she looked back at me and I just shrugged.

me: [Edited for propriety]
Nicole: ... wow... that is the type of IM i'd need a cig after...
me: [Edited for Propriety]
Nicole: oh yes
would not have thought straight upon first sight
me: yeah. I like the ambiguity.
me: in my mind, I'm formulating an analogy where men are like kindereggs
me: he's talking about a hometown in england on a beach
me: do you think he's flirting with me?
Nicole: ...sure
Nicole: go ahead and ask him out, i'll watch
me: okay. now I'm going to have to stop and think about it.
me: looking
me: over
me: now
me: oh. he has a soul patch.
me: gross
me: and his whole accent and manner of dress suddenly seems so sterile and unsexual

me: well. I guess you can't go home again.

Sent at 1:38 PM on Friday

me: wait.
what about James Van Der Beek?

Somebody just asked if I had plans for tonight and I answered:

"Buying a cardigan."

And I'm actually happy about that. In addition to the fact that tomorrow will be ridiculously busy, this is one of the first years that I feel like I don't have something to prove and therefore don't feel the quiet sting of having to hide behind an "alterna-Valentine's Day" that involves

1) Watching "Love Actually" in a theatre full of undergraduate females
2) Dating Heidi because she and Brian were still trying to figure out "their deal"
3) ...I have no recollection of what I did last year.

Point made.

There was originally a part of this post that said "If I had my druthers" and then it had a great joke about "boy, do I need more druthers."

No longer relevant, but putting it there anyway.